Love is a many-splendored thing. PSYCH!!!!

Here is a letter, written to an un-named male. It is written in my interest, from the perspective of my good buddy, Laura Miles.

Dear Sir.
Out of the goodness of my heart, I have decided to intervene on the behalf of my good friend Melody. She's smart, sophisticated, undeniably sexy, and every man's dream. I think that, deep down, you know this too. And you want her. You want her REAL bad. Admit it: you think about doing inappropriate things to her all the time. But you've been friends for such a long time that it seems weird. There's an odd sexual tension between you that sometimes causes problems. But ultimately, you know it's going to happen. I say, go for it. You want it, she wants it. We all want it. And then tell her you're madly in love with her and you want to have lots of sex and babies. It's the only way to live.
Sincerely,
Your new best friend Laura.
You can thank me later.


It's good to have good friends. Also, someday, perhaps I'll get back to blogging regularly. Alas. Earwax.

I cain't get no-oh..... mo-ti-va-tion...

May 11
Puo aiutarmi con i bagagli?
Can you help me with with my luggage?

May 12
Sono vegetariana.
I'm a vegetarian.

May 13
Indosso una felpa e i jeans.
I'm wearing a sweatshirt and jeans.

May 14
Non mangio pesce crudo.
I don't eat raw fish.

May 15
Tutto bene?
How is everything?

May 16
Cosa indossi?
What are you wearing?

May 17
Lo vorrei ben cotto.
I'd like it well-done.

May 18
Il volo e ritardato?
Is the flight delayed?

May 19
Posso avere la salsa a parte?
Can I have the sauce on the side?

May 20
Puo raccomandarmi un ristorante?
Can you recommend a restaurant?

No use crying over spilled chai...

Hard-time Killing Floor Blues

April 25
Dove sono le partenze?
Where are departures?

April 26
I servizi sciacquone non funziona!
The toilet won't flush!

April 27
Ho in un hostello.
I'm staying at a hostel.

April 28
A che ora e il volo per Napoli?
What time does the flight to Naples leave?

April 29
I miei amici mi chiamano Rubberface Ali.
My friends call me Rubberface Ali.

April 30
Ho solo il bagaglio a mano.
I only have carry-on luggage.

May 1
Ho perso il mio passaporto.
I lost my passport.

May 2
Ho sentito tanto parlare di te.
I've heard so much about you.

May 3
Quanti anni hai?
How old are you?

May 4
Ti spiacerebbe tenermi il posto?
Would you mind saving my seat?

May 5
Parli benissimo l'inglese!
Your English is great!

May 6
Viaggio in aereo
I'm traveling by airplane.

May 7
Mia sorella si ferma qui sei giorni.
My sister is in town for six days.

May 8
E fatto a mano?
Is it handmade?

May 9
Non mi sta bene.
It doesn't look good on me.

May 10
A che ora e la colazione?
What time is breakfast?

O, sogno d'or! Poter amar cosi!

April 23
Posso avere una chiave in piu?
Can I have an extra key?

April 24
Sogni doro.
Sweet dreams.

Yeah right.

La mia stanza e perfetta.
My room is perfect.

An Early Start

Devo spazzolarmi i capelli.
I need to brush my hair.



And I do. Work calls. So does my new (used) Nikon D100!!!! Woot!

Dag, yo! It's been FOREVER!!!

April 1
Ti piace fare yoga?
Do you like to do yoga?

April 2
Grazie per la bella serata.
Thanks for a lovely evening.

April 3
C'e un centro commerciale da queste parti?
Is there a mall around here?

April 4
Vendete gli ombrelli?
Do you sell umbrella?

April 5
Vorrei un regalo per i miei genitori.
I need a gift for my parents.

April 6
Devo ancora cinque minuti.
I need five more minutes.

April 7
Giochi a carti?
Do you play cards?

April 8
C'e qualcosa in saldo?
Is anything on sale?

April 9
Ho ventitre anni.
I'm twenty-three years old.

April 10
Sto squattrinato.
I'm broke.

April 11
C'e il bagnino?
Is there a lifeguard?

April 12
Lo apprezzo molto.
I really appreciate it.

April 13
Sono sul volo 815 de Sydney per LA.
I'm on flight 815 from Sydney to LA.
(Okay, so I changed that one a little...)

April 14
Ho intenzione di fermarmi finche non trove quel che sto cercando.
I plan to stay until I find what I am looking for.

April 15
Posso avere in altro tovagliolo, per favore?
Can I have a new napkin, please?

April 16
Potrai mai perdonarmi?
Can you ever forgive me?

April 17
Dov'e la stazione degli autobus?
Where is the bus station?

April 18
Qual e la tua email?
What is your email?

April 19
Qual e la parte piu carina della citta?
What's the nicest part of the city?

April 20
Vorrei un posto nello scompartimento non fumatori.
I'd like a ticket for the non-smoking section.




I won't let the happen again. This took entirely too long. Also, I'll try to post a video before long. Sorry, y'all.

And the only prescription is more cowbell.

March 29
Ho la febbre.
I have a fever.

March 30
Vorremmo dividerci un antipasto.
We'd like to split an appetizer.

March 31
Sto malissimo!
I look terrible!

And how!

March 28
Prevedono pioggia questo fine settimana?
Is it supposed to rain this weekend?

Looks like it might happen...

March 27
Rientriamo presto.
Let's make it an early night.

Stupid fake spring

March 26
Facciamo una corsa fino in fondo.
Let's race to the end.

Knock three times on the ceiling...

March 23
Penso che dovremmo essere solo amici.
I think we should just be friends.

March 24
Vorrei veder lo zoo.
I'd like to see the zoo.

March 25
Prometto di scriverti.
I promise to write you.

Today

March 22
Vorrei il pollo e le patate.
I'll have the chicken and potatoes.

Before the sun sets on the third day...

March 19
Possiamo quardare l'alba.
We can watch the sunrise.

March 20
Devo andare a casa adesso.
I have to go home now.

March 21
Come va?
How's it going?

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!

March 17
Andiamo a fare il bagno.
Let's go swimming.

March 18
Questa forchetta

è sporca.

This fork is dirty.

Call me Captain Slack-ass

March 12
Vediamoci dal bar stasera.
Let's meet at the bar tonight.

March 13
A he ora inizia lo spettacolo?
What time does the show start?

March 14
Adoro questo posto!
I love this place!

March 15
Non ho spiccioli.
I don't have change.

March 16
Posso dormire qui?
Can I stay over?

Tre

March 9
Aiuto!
Help!

March 10
Chiedono la carta

d'identità?

Do they ask for ID?

March 11

Dov’è

il bagno delle donne?

Where is the ladies' room?

Why I am such a slacker?!

February 20
Quello

è un verano furto?

That's a complete rip-off.

February 21
Non ho contanti.
I'm out of cash.

February 22
Quanto costa un taxi per andare al Colosseo?
How much is a taxi to the Colosseum?

February 23
Abbiamo una prenotazione.
We have a reservation.

February 24
Prendo quello che prende lei.
I'll have what she's having.

February 25
La macchina

è ammaccata.

There's a dent in the car.

February 26

Stai benissimo. Sei invecciata bene.

You look great. You've aged well.

February 27

Ci vediamo al ristorante.

I'll meet you at the restaurant.

February 28

Non riesco a trovare le chiavi.

I can't find my keys.

March 1

Hai voglia di fare qualcosa stasera?

You feel like doing something tonight?

March 2

Sono stanca.

I'm tired.

March 3

Vedi un tavolo da qualche parte?

Do you see a table anywhere?

March 4
Arrivo tra trenta minuti.
I'll be there in thirty minutes.

March 5
Le italiane sono tutte belli come te?
Is everyone from Italy as handsome as you?

March 6
Devo noleggiare una mountain bike.
I need to rent a mountain bike.

March 7
I miei amici saranno qui fra diece minuti.
My friends will be here in ten minutes.

March 8
Ho mal di gola.
My throat hurts.

The creative juices just aren't flowing.

February 19
Sono le nove di mattina.
It's 9:00 in the morning.

February 20
Quello è un vero furto.
That's a complete rip-off.

February 21
Non ho contanti.
I'm out of cash.

February 22
Quanto costa un taxi per andare al Colosseo?
How much is a taxi to the Colosseum?

February 23
Abbiamo una prenotazione.
We have a reservation.

February 24
Prendo quello che prende lei.
I'll have what she's having.

February 25
La macchina è ammaccata.
There's a dent in the car.

February 26
Stai benissimo. Sei invecchiata bene.
You look great. You've aged well.

I've been out of town. Don't judge.

February 18
Dove possiamo andare?
Where should we go?

February 19
Sono le nove di mattina.
It's 9:00 in the morning.

February 20
Quello è un vero furto.
That's a complete rip-off.

February 21
Non ho contanti.
I'm out of cash. 

Today

Vorrei presentarti i miei amici.
I'd like you to meet my friends.

Moving right along.

Che belle scarpe.
I love your shoes.

Domingo

È una maglietta orrenda.
That's a hideous t-shirt.

25 Things

And for today...

Parlo solo in po' d'italiano.
I speak only a little Italian.

Back on track?

Mi hanno rubato il portafogli.
Someone stole my wallet.

Those who fall behind get left behind.

February 10
Come hai detto che ti chiami?
What was your name again?

February 11
Sto ho i postumi da ubriacatura. Mi sento la nausea.
I'm hung over. I feel nauseated.

February 12
Chiama un dottore!
Call a doctor!

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

So appropriate

Quali sono le previsioni per oggi?
What's the weather supposed to be like today?

Just a few words today, and that in pencil...

Vorrei andare in palestra.
I'd like to go to the gym.

If anybody knows who penned the words of the title of this post, you'll be my best friend forever.

Also, today just feels good. Me and Jesus are pretty tight, the weather is perfect, and things are just in their proper places. Soon, I will post a video.

This really would have come in handy when I was in Italy...

... 'cause I would have known to steer clear.

 
Dov'è la spiaggia nudista?
Where's the nude beach?

I'm on a roll, here.

L'acqua è brulicante di squali.
The water is teeming with sharks. 

Just one?

Non sei il mio tipo.
You're just not my type.

Mambo Italiano (It had to happen sooner or later...)

January 1
Ha qualcosa meno caro?
Do you have something cheaper?

January 2
Vedi qualcun altro?
Are you seeing someone else?

January 3
Voglio solo andare a fare una passeggiata?
I just want to go for a walk.

January 4
Dove posso comprare dei romanzi spazzatura?
Where can I buy trashy novels?

My Favorite Place To Be

No, it's not Mapletown!

So far behind...

January 23
Questo posto fa schifo.
This place sucks.

January 24
Puoi prestarmi dei soldi?
Can you loan me some money?

January 25
Andiamo da qualche altra parte.
Let's go somewhere else.

January 26
C'é un bancomat qua vicino?
Is there an ATM around here?

January 27
Conosciamoci meglio.
Let's get to know each other.

January 28
Hai delle bellissime mani.
You have such beautiful hands.

January 29
Sto cercando francobolli.
I'm looking for stamps.

January 30
Il mio ragazzo é fuori città.
My boyfriend is out of town.

January 31
Cosa bevi?
What do you like to drink?

I'm beginning to think that this calendar is for hoochie mamas on holiday...

Two days

January 21
Vado bene vastita cosi?
Is this outfit appropriate?

January 22
Sono in ritardo.
I'm running late.

Mr. Kiss-kiss Bang-bang

Falling off the wagon

Januray 16
Ho bisogno di far una doccia.
I need to take a shower.

January 17
Sono allergico alle noci.
I'm allergic to nuts.

January 18
Prendete la carta di credito?
Do you take credit cards?

January 19
Non mangio carne rossa.
I don't eat read meat.

January 20
Ho voglia di bere qualcosa.
I'm in the mood to go out and have several drinks.

A few days behind...

January 13
Il miglior carciofo che abbie mai mangiato.
It's the best artichoke I've ever had.

January 14
È un po' crudo.
This is a little undercooked.

January 15
Scateniamoci!
Let's go wild!

Fraze o' the Dei

Non ho niente da mettermi!
I don't have anything to wear!

The Day's Phrases

January 10
Hai visto il mio spazzolino da denti?
Have you seen my toothbrush?

January 11
Ho molto bisgno di bere.
I need several drinks.

Phrizzle of the Dizzle

January 8
Dov'e la fermata della metro più vicina?
Where's the nearest subway stop?

January 9
Potrebbe non mettere le cipolle?
Can you hold the onions?

Phrizz-ase of the Dizz-ay

Baciami
Kiss me.

Phrase of the Day

January 5
Ci vediamo domattina.
See you tomorrow morning.

January 6
Potre mangiare un bue.
I could eat a horse.

Phrase of the Day

January 4

Non innamorarti di me, sono pericolosa.

Don't fall in love with me; I'm bad news.

Phrase of the Day

January 3
È un'emergenza.
It's an emergency.

I've never heard of it.

 Here's something you've probably never heard of: an Autumn-themed Christmas tree. Well, friends, that's what I'm going to have next year. I've been buying up Christmas decorations (and cards and tags, etc.) that are on clearance. They're 50% off at Wal-Mart and 75% off at Target. I've gotten a ton of stuff for a relatively small amount of money. I've started a Christmas Box that shall eagerly anticipate next Christmas when, hopefully, its insides will adorn a lovely New Jersey Christmas tree. Included here, you can view a picture of some of said decorations.

Also, for Christmas, Grace gave me an Italian Phrase-A-Day calendar. Here on this blog, I will endeavor to share with you each day's new vocabulary. Today I will give you two, since I did not post yesterday's.

January 1
Buongiorno.
Good morning.

January 2
Ti amo!
I love you!

P.S. Brownie points to anyone (except Grace, of course) who can tell me why the title of this blog is hilarious.