Here is a letter, written to an un-named male. It is written in my interest, from the perspective of my good buddy, Laura Miles.
Dear Sir.
Out of the goodness of my heart, I have decided to intervene on the behalf of my good friend Melody. She's smart, sophisticated, undeniably sexy, and every man's dream. I think that, deep down, you know this too. And you want her. You want her REAL bad. Admit it: you think about doing inappropriate things to her all the time. But you've been friends for such a long time that it seems weird. There's an odd sexual tension between you that sometimes causes problems. But ultimately, you know it's going to happen. I say, go for it. You want it, she wants it. We all want it. And then tell her you're madly in love with her and you want to have lots of sex and babies. It's the only way to live.
Sincerely,
Your new best friend Laura.
You can thank me later.
It's good to have good friends. Also, someday, perhaps I'll get back to blogging regularly. Alas. Earwax.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I cain't get no-oh..... mo-ti-va-tion...
May 11
Puo aiutarmi con i bagagli?
Can you help me with with my luggage?
May 12
Sono vegetariana.
I'm a vegetarian.
May 13
Indosso una felpa e i jeans.
I'm wearing a sweatshirt and jeans.
May 14
Non mangio pesce crudo.
I don't eat raw fish.
May 15
Tutto bene?
How is everything?
May 16
Cosa indossi?
What are you wearing?
May 17
Lo vorrei ben cotto.
I'd like it well-done.
May 18
Il volo e ritardato?
Is the flight delayed?
May 19
Posso avere la salsa a parte?
Can I have the sauce on the side?
May 20
Puo raccomandarmi un ristorante?
Can you recommend a restaurant?
Puo aiutarmi con i bagagli?
Can you help me with with my luggage?
May 12
Sono vegetariana.
I'm a vegetarian.
May 13
Indosso una felpa e i jeans.
I'm wearing a sweatshirt and jeans.
May 14
Non mangio pesce crudo.
I don't eat raw fish.
May 15
Tutto bene?
How is everything?
May 16
Cosa indossi?
What are you wearing?
May 17
Lo vorrei ben cotto.
I'd like it well-done.
May 18
Il volo e ritardato?
Is the flight delayed?
May 19
Posso avere la salsa a parte?
Can I have the sauce on the side?
May 20
Puo raccomandarmi un ristorante?
Can you recommend a restaurant?
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Hard-time Killing Floor Blues
April 25
Dove sono le partenze?
Where are departures?
April 26
I servizi sciacquone non funziona!
The toilet won't flush!
April 27
Ho in un hostello.
I'm staying at a hostel.
April 28
A che ora e il volo per Napoli?
What time does the flight to Naples leave?
April 29
I miei amici mi chiamano Rubberface Ali.
My friends call me Rubberface Ali.
April 30
Ho solo il bagaglio a mano.
I only have carry-on luggage.
May 1
Ho perso il mio passaporto.
I lost my passport.
May 2
Ho sentito tanto parlare di te.
I've heard so much about you.
May 3
Quanti anni hai?
How old are you?
May 4
Ti spiacerebbe tenermi il posto?
Would you mind saving my seat?
May 5
Parli benissimo l'inglese!
Your English is great!
May 6
Viaggio in aereo
I'm traveling by airplane.
May 7
Mia sorella si ferma qui sei giorni.
My sister is in town for six days.
May 8
E fatto a mano?
Is it handmade?
May 9
Non mi sta bene.
It doesn't look good on me.
May 10
A che ora e la colazione?
What time is breakfast?
Dove sono le partenze?
Where are departures?
April 26
I servizi sciacquone non funziona!
The toilet won't flush!
April 27
Ho in un hostello.
I'm staying at a hostel.
April 28
A che ora e il volo per Napoli?
What time does the flight to Naples leave?
April 29
I miei amici mi chiamano Rubberface Ali.
My friends call me Rubberface Ali.
April 30
Ho solo il bagaglio a mano.
I only have carry-on luggage.
May 1
Ho perso il mio passaporto.
I lost my passport.
May 2
Ho sentito tanto parlare di te.
I've heard so much about you.
May 3
Quanti anni hai?
How old are you?
May 4
Ti spiacerebbe tenermi il posto?
Would you mind saving my seat?
May 5
Parli benissimo l'inglese!
Your English is great!
May 6
Viaggio in aereo
I'm traveling by airplane.
May 7
Mia sorella si ferma qui sei giorni.
My sister is in town for six days.
May 8
E fatto a mano?
Is it handmade?
May 9
Non mi sta bene.
It doesn't look good on me.
May 10
A che ora e la colazione?
What time is breakfast?
Friday, April 24, 2009
O, sogno d'or! Poter amar cosi!
April 23
Posso avere una chiave in piu?
Can I have an extra key?
April 24
Sogni doro.
Sweet dreams.
Posso avere una chiave in piu?
Can I have an extra key?
April 24
Sogni doro.
Sweet dreams.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
An Early Start
Devo spazzolarmi i capelli.
I need to brush my hair.
And I do. Work calls. So does my new (used) Nikon D100!!!! Woot!
I need to brush my hair.
And I do. Work calls. So does my new (used) Nikon D100!!!! Woot!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Dag, yo! It's been FOREVER!!!
April 1
Ti piace fare yoga?
Do you like to do yoga?
April 2
Grazie per la bella serata.
Thanks for a lovely evening.
April 3
C'e un centro commerciale da queste parti?
Is there a mall around here?
April 4
Vendete gli ombrelli?
Do you sell umbrella?
April 5
Vorrei un regalo per i miei genitori.
I need a gift for my parents.
April 6
Devo ancora cinque minuti.
I need five more minutes.
April 7
Giochi a carti?
Do you play cards?
April 8
C'e qualcosa in saldo?
Is anything on sale?
April 9
Ho ventitre anni.
I'm twenty-three years old.
April 10
Sto squattrinato.
I'm broke.
April 11
C'e il bagnino?
Is there a lifeguard?
April 12
Lo apprezzo molto.
I really appreciate it.
April 13
Sono sul volo 815 de Sydney per LA.
I'm on flight 815 from Sydney to LA.
(Okay, so I changed that one a little...)
April 14
Ho intenzione di fermarmi finche non trove quel che sto cercando.
I plan to stay until I find what I am looking for.
April 15
Posso avere in altro tovagliolo, per favore?
Can I have a new napkin, please?
April 16
Potrai mai perdonarmi?
Can you ever forgive me?
April 17
Dov'e la stazione degli autobus?
Where is the bus station?
April 18
Qual e la tua email?
What is your email?
April 19
Qual e la parte piu carina della citta?
What's the nicest part of the city?
April 20
Vorrei un posto nello scompartimento non fumatori.
I'd like a ticket for the non-smoking section.
I won't let the happen again. This took entirely too long. Also, I'll try to post a video before long. Sorry, y'all.
Ti piace fare yoga?
Do you like to do yoga?
April 2
Grazie per la bella serata.
Thanks for a lovely evening.
April 3
C'e un centro commerciale da queste parti?
Is there a mall around here?
April 4
Vendete gli ombrelli?
Do you sell umbrella?
April 5
Vorrei un regalo per i miei genitori.
I need a gift for my parents.
April 6
Devo ancora cinque minuti.
I need five more minutes.
April 7
Giochi a carti?
Do you play cards?
April 8
C'e qualcosa in saldo?
Is anything on sale?
April 9
Ho ventitre anni.
I'm twenty-three years old.
April 10
Sto squattrinato.
I'm broke.
April 11
C'e il bagnino?
Is there a lifeguard?
April 12
Lo apprezzo molto.
I really appreciate it.
April 13
Sono sul volo 815 de Sydney per LA.
I'm on flight 815 from Sydney to LA.
(Okay, so I changed that one a little...)
April 14
Ho intenzione di fermarmi finche non trove quel che sto cercando.
I plan to stay until I find what I am looking for.
April 15
Posso avere in altro tovagliolo, per favore?
Can I have a new napkin, please?
April 16
Potrai mai perdonarmi?
Can you ever forgive me?
April 17
Dov'e la stazione degli autobus?
Where is the bus station?
April 18
Qual e la tua email?
What is your email?
April 19
Qual e la parte piu carina della citta?
What's the nicest part of the city?
April 20
Vorrei un posto nello scompartimento non fumatori.
I'd like a ticket for the non-smoking section.
I won't let the happen again. This took entirely too long. Also, I'll try to post a video before long. Sorry, y'all.
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